It kind of caught me off guard at first, but it’s probably my favorite comment of all time!
FUCK your game! Loadout? More like SHIT-out! As in “Shit out of a buffalo’s ass.” Actually, I take that back; that’s derogatory towards a buffalo’s ass. I’ve seen a buffalo’s ass shit out better games than this. How the fuck did you let that happen? You allowed a buffalo’s ass to out- game design you. A buffalo don’t know nothin’ ’bout makin’ no games! Buffaloes can’t even COMPREHEND data abstraction or object inheritance or nothin’ like that, let alone their ASSHOLES! YOU assholes really fucked that up.
In what day and age do you live in where you think a shitty game like this is a something people wanna play? Huh?! You think anybody gives a shit about your tasteful, inviting art direction? Or your warm and well-implemented color palette? FUCK no! How about your innovative mechanics, most notably the plethora of deep and varied weapon customization options players have available to them? Are you outta your fucking MINDS? You mean to tell me that there are over 50 million combinations of weapon parts in the last build alone and there are a fuck-ton more to come, allowing players to craft exactly the type of gun and play style that they want?! Lemme tell you something, right now:
That. Is fucking. BULLSHIT!
Don’t even get me started on your free-to-play excrement mongering. It’s fucking ABSURD that you think it’s acceptable to release a game that surpasses the quality of many AAA titles and not charge any money. Couple that with a rewarding experience system, and you might as well just save everybody some time and FUCK all of your patrons in or around their vertebrae with a rusty cheese grater. The fact that this shit doesn’t look like your everyday, run-of-the-mill F2P game pisses me the FUCK off! Too many thoughtful design decisions went into this garbage. Just look at your fucking damage model! The violence is exaggerated and stylized so as to not be too disturbing while at the same time providing the player with satisfying and tactile feedback, perpetuating the illusion that their actions have a noticeable effect on the game world. Listen to me. Fucking LISTEN. For that, I swear to Tom FUCKING Selleck, if I had the chance, I would kick all of Edge of Reality in their fucking MEDULA OBLONGATAS.
Fuck YOU. Fuck your GAME. Fuck your versatile LEVEL DESIGN. Fuck your relevant-to-current-events-and
-pop-culture implementation of Gangnam Style as a TAUNT. And fuck this shitty-ass GAME that I can’t wait to play twice more.
- Frag Logic: SXSW 2013 Interactive, Weapon Design in Gaming, Beta Testers & Gears Reaper (Episode 6)
- Random Thoughts and Update
- Loadout Beta: Using the Jump Boots
- Loadout Beta: Sniping on Four Points
- Loadout Beta: The Power of Healing
- PAX East 2012 & Loadout